Looking at life, death, and channels

Friday morning I received a phone call informing me that a good friend of mine lost her brother to a heart attack the night before. He was only 45 years old. I debated about using this topic in my blog, but decided that since he was a teacher too, that he might like the idea that I am celebrating his life and legacy in my class by honoring his passion for education.

Eric was a teacher in Arizona and was well respected by his students and colleagues. When he missed some of his classes, the college was concerned and called the emergency contact listed on his employment papers--his mother, who lives here in Minnesota. After trying to reach him by phone they ended up calling the police requesting that they go check out his apartment. The family was told this would be done. They didn't tell them however the whole context, which apparently was that they would only knock on the door and if no one answered there wasn't anything else they were going to do about it. And that they would not be phoning back. So the family waited by the phone, I'm sure getting only more and more worried as the time went by.

A second phone call was made. And again they heard nothing. The afternoon passed and it was now evening and still no news had been passed back to them. So a third call was placed pleading for information. The family begged them to break into the apartment, promising to pay for any damages that may be done, but that they knew something was wrong and they needed the police to get in there. This was their third phone call placed. They never did receive a phone message back. Instead, approximately three hours after their last phone conversation, the local squad car pulled into their driveway to deliver the news that there son was dead. The police in Arizona had found him laying in his bed. It appears he passed away in his sleep.

When I heard the news I thought of calling my friend right away, but decided I should go see her instead. So I started making plans that would allow me to go visit her in person. Then I made a call to my parents to let them know the news because my parents not only knew the family through me,but my friend's brother had been one of my father's favorite English students when he taught at the college here in Brainerd. I knew they would want to know and to be at the funeral.

Before I left the house I sent an email out to old elementary friends through a yahoo group. Most of us had reconnected this past summer on the day of our 20 year class reunion. After that, we formed the special yahoo group to keep in touch as people were now scattered across the United States. Although I knew most of them would probably not be at the funeral, I thought they might want to know. I'm sure some will send cards expressing their condolences.

In each of these instances different channels of communication were used. Some channels are more "communication rich" than others. The context of how well I knew the individual I was telling, how close they were to my friend, and how well they knew my friend's brother influenced my decision about how to pass on the news. This also reflects our cultural norms for what's considered the "appropriate" channel choice. This is important not only from a professional standpoint but most definitely from a personal one too.