Funeral for whom

Today I went to a funeral for a gentlemen I used to work with when I was in student services at Northland Community College. I also knew him because we attended the same church. When I started my theatre company they were some of the first couples to buy tickets. I don't think they missed one of our musical dinner theatres. I remember him as a guy who liked to tell stories, someone who always had a joke or two "at the ready" and who loved his job as a teacher. He loved working at Northland and devoted years and years to his church, campus and community. I was sad to hear he had passed away but felt fortunate that I was actually in town to attend his funeral.

As I sat in the pew listening to the sermon given by a new pastor (well in correlation to my time spent at that church and granted I have been out of town for quite a few years now) I couldn't help but wonder who a funeral service is really for. Is it for the decesased or is it more for the living? Should the service reflect the life and personality of the one for whom people are all gathered?

I know I tend to be hyper critical sometimes and I really tried not to be in this situation, but when I got into the car afterwards and my friend said, "I don't think he really would have liked that service". I couldn't help but agree and share my thoughts since they had been so similiar. I guess part of the confusion is due to the reality that we as a culture don't talk about death very much. How many people have had serious discussions about their desires? Probably not so many. In fact, I know of several instances where I heard people didn't even know where important documents were stored.

In class I spend a day talking about grief and communication. In times of bereavement those nonverbals are just as important as what we say and it's very easy to be at a loss for words. It's a good start what I do but maybe I need to do more. And truth be told, I guess I also need to practice what I preach when it comes to talking to our loved ones about death and post death details. Hopefully communication ahead of time would prevent people from making the same type of comments that we made today.

So to honor DS I'd like to share this Ole and Sven Joke:

Ole replaced de light in his blinker an so he sent his friend Sven out to da back of da car. Ole said to Sven, "I'm gonna turn on da blinker an I want ya to tell me if it's workin". "Ya, I can do dat" replied Sven". "All right den, here we go..." and he turned on his blinker "..is it workin?" he hollered. To which Sven replied, "yes...no...yes...no...yes...no..."


W: 1.45 B: 5.5 miles