WINDOWS & MIRRORS EXPLAINED BY KARI

Windows and Mirrors

Emily Style’s theory uses the analogy of windows and mirrors to help us make connections. We can use the theory to connect to people or to material. Often I'll use this as an assessment technique for content I give in class to help you connect more personally to the class concepts . In general, the theory helps you find similarities and understand differences between you and another
perspective.

There are two major pieces to this theory: mirrors and windows.

We know mirrors as objects that when looked at reflects back to you an image of yourself. In this theory, a "mirror" does the same thing. When looking at a particular experience, if it is something similar to what you have experienced then it is said to be a personal mirror for you. When looking at a piece of information, if it is something familiar and you can connect with it personally, than it is most likely a justifiable mirror.

A Window in the traditional sense is an object that you look through in order to see something that is distant from yourself, something outside of yourself. So in terms of the theory, a "window" describes an opportunity to do the same, to see something outside of yourself. Theoretical windows provide a new perspective on the world. In some cases it might be a viewpoint that is different than yours or in other cases it might actually introduce you to a viewpoint or experience that is totally brand new to you.

It is said that we can find both windows and mirrors in most situations. This is because people share some basic commonalities in just being human. However, we are also all different and have our own worldview shaped by our personal experiences, values, beliefs, and enculturation. Although at first it may appear that the windows and mirrors theory is simply a dichotomy which polarizes our viewpoints, upon further reflection you will hopefully discover that it is a way of truly helping us explore the middle areas of that spectrum. We are not just the same or different from another human being—it is the how and the whys that this theory makes us address.

For example, I grew up in Brainerd and Sara grew up and still lives in New York City. There are windows and mirrors to our experiences of growing up where we did. I took driver's education classes in 10th grade and had my own car by 11th grade." So when Sara says "she's never driven a car because it's cheaper to take taxi's or subways around town", that's a window to me. I know what taxis and subways are, but that is a different experience than what I know.

When Sara says her favorite meal at her local deli is "baked potato knishes followed by babka cakes for dessert", that too is a window because I don't know what potato knishes are, nor do I know what a babka cake tastes like. In this case, I'm being introduced to something new by defining it as a window.

However, when Sara explains that she was "involved in her high school music program and that they traveled around for music competitions", I personally could identify with this because I too was in high school choir and we competed in three national choir competitions the three years I was involved at the high school level. Since that was something similar it can therefore be justified as a "mirror".

In some instances, a single event can be both a mirror and a window. Sara and I have both attended a Musical Production on Broadway in New York (mirror). I saw "The Lion King" and she saw "Wicked" (window--since I have not seen the how Wicked). Another example, Sara and I graduated from high school at age 18 (mirror). But Sara hated her senior year and I loved my senior year (window).

Once you identify the actual events as windows or mirrors you can go deeper and explore the emotional connections. Trying to understand how the other person feels and actually becoming empathetic to their emotions is an important interpersonal and intercultural communication skill. Empathy is an important part of being "other- oriented"--a key skill for being a good communicator. The windows and mirrors theory can help us develop this skill. But we must also be careful in how we express our empathy because not all situations are equal. So we need to be sensitive to that and how we communicate it.

The most important step in this process is the explanation of why something is a window or a mirror. Being able to support your opinions is part of the process. So know that you will need to do more than just state something as a mirror or a window, because this is where the true learning and connections are made.

It also helps us prevent using "allness" and "polarization".

"Allness" is the false assumption that we can know all there is to know about a subject. It often results in the use of “allness terms”: (everyone, no one, everywhere, nowhere, always, never, totally, etc.) Have you ever heard someone say "We're totally alike" or "I know them better than they know themselves."? How about, "We have nothing in common"? Those statements are probably not 100% accurate. The windows and mirrors theory could be used to prove why they aren’t true.

"Polarization" is seeing subjects in complete extremes. Some examples include: fat/skinny, black/white, good/bad, right/wrong. It can often be dangerous as it doesn't allow for options in between where a lot of people and ideas really fall. Often polarization is dangerous as it perpetuates faulty or hurtful stereotypes. Think about the young student who looks in the mirror and thinks because they aren't skinny that they are "fat". There's a lot of life that happens in between extremes and forcing people or ideas to just one extreme or the other is not necessarily accurate or healthy. So again, the windows and mirrors theory can help us break this down to see and connect to subjects on a more personal and more meaningful level.